2004-11-21-6:54 p.m.
change me

I hate it when i look in the mirror and im just like.. how did this happen, how did i stop caring at all.. doing the crap ive done felt so fun at the time and then i realize what it was ive done and i feel it.. it hurts. and all i feel is regret and it sucks that there is nothing in this world that i can do to change what ive done, and i regret every freaking second of it and i just want to change it and its killing me that i cant, and i just want to know how ive became such a bad person, i mean ive done things that i swore id never do... but then again havent we all? then im just like how the hell did i stop caring.. but then again its like, you just dont care enough to figure out how you stopped caring.
im failing school, its not fun, i dont know how this happend, i just.. i just want to lie under my covers and sleep.. i want to sleep for a long long time..no.. what i really want. REALLY want. is to be held, i just want to be held but im afraid to be held because im afraid ill cry and i dont want to cry because crying symbolizes sadness and im not sad.. I want to hang out with tiffany, i miss her. Shes the person thats been there for me the longest, weve probably fought maybe twice our whole lives. And ive known her since like second grade. I just want to go up to the people that ive hurt and just be like, i know that i messed up.. and im extremley sorry, i was being such a selfish bitch...and i want to tell them that if i could change what i did i would. ! OH MY GOD! HOW THE DID I GET THIS WAY. TELL ME NOW! change me.. please...
Im going to go to sleep now.. wake me up when im 18.
.please.just.forget.me.


make it hurt

miss me?
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